That's not normal?

As we drove down the road Nathan began a conversation that I was not prepared for:

Nathan: "Mommy, how do they make electricity? And what is electricity anyway?"

Emily: "I don't really know how to explain that Nathan. You should call Grandpa Peg and ask him." (My kids call my dad grandpa peg)

Nathan: "I thought you said you were smart. I guess you were wrong and your dad is the smart one."

Emily: I just hung my head and said "I guess you're right Nathan." ...internal dialogue (Oh lord! Why does he ask me such hard questions that I can't answer? Where are the questions like "where do babies come from?" I could totally handle that one!)

(Nathan stacking blocks 14 high at 2.)

From a very early age people have been telling me Nathan is "very bright". Being a first time mom I assumed that was just the polite thing people say...but looking back I realize maybe I should have listened. The signs were a little more subtle earlier...like developmental achievements at an early age like walking up stairs alternating feet and vertical jumps. Then there was the stacking blocks 15 high at 2. It was around 3 that THE IMAGINATION took over. It was on a recent car ride to the pharmacy it finally struck me that Nathan is different. (a lot of important stuff happens in our car apparently)

"HLS BLS"

"HLS BLS"...that was what I found on the last page of Nathan's most recent book he made at school. In case you aren't able to decipher his spelling it says "hells bells". (Not bad words in my book) I'm not proud of the fact that my child went to school and regurgitated one of my frequently used frustration phrases, but I sure as hell am proud that he used it correctly. Lets be serious people it could have been worse. He could be throwing these words around irresponsibly and at every opportunity. Perhaps this is the reason his school is testing him for the gifted program. Could it be that his vocabulary is not limited to "poopy" and "oops" but rather he will can accurately explain to you the difference between "as" and "ass" as he did one evening on a quiet ride to get a haircut;
Nathan: "Mommy, did you know 'as' is a good word and a bad word?"
Emily: "Oh really? Can you tell me how?"
Nathan: "Yeah, because 'as' is a good word but 'ass' is a bad word...and 'freakin ass' is a really bad word."
Emily: "Indeed. I'm glad we are clear on that." (Giggling to myself in the dark in the front seat)
Now before everyone starts looking up the number for DFS let me explain my opinion on language with children. Children need to understand that some words carry more heat than others and that there are lots of words to choose from to express yourself. I encourage Nathan to use words to describe his feelings and save the heavier words for really special feelings. I have effectively and successfully taken the thrill out of cussing in a child's eyes. Therefore fulfilling my job as a mother in claiming yet another victim in my quest to kill all fun.

Mommy: 1 Noah: 0

As eluded to in my previous post, Monday I attempted to take the two little ones to get their haircut. Natalie hopped up in the chair sat quietly for her turn in the hot seat. Meanwhile Noah was attempting to rummage through magazines and combat crawl under chairs in the waiting area. It wasn't long before Natalie hopped off her throne and Noah caught on. The trauma started with the dreaded words "Noah it's your turn" which was followed with a defiant "NO" and a mad dash to the exit. In true mommy form I bolted after him and grabbed him by the back of his shirt. Once placed in the chair the thrashing began. First with his head and then his whole body. I assured the hair dresser this was not a seizure, only a mere two-year-old tantrum. I quickly jumped in the chair with the little man and put him in a headlock that even Hulk Hogan would be proud of. Unfortunately I was unable to restrain his mouth and had to endure what sounded like his imitation of a screech owl for the entirety of the hair cut. I immediately told the lady "Cut it short, we won't be coming back any time soon". The minute we walked in the door Noah plopped on the floor and passed out. Sleep tight Screech...

One sick...puppy

Monday morning I packed up a 3 year-old, a 2 year-old and one very itchy dog into the car and headed to the vet. $169.00 later we still don't know why the dog itches. BUT we do know she does not have heart worm.....shocker. One the way home from the vet we stopped to get the little people's hair cut. (Tune in tomorrow for that drama) Upon opening the door to the car we were met with the stench only a dog's butt can produce. Natalie-3 promptly said "Mommy, did Dotty poop?" Sure as shit the dog dropped a deuce in the back seat. Had I not just dropped $169.00 on that dog I would have had to have the "things just aren't working out" talk with her and leave her on a dirt road somewhere. Lucky for her I had just invested a moth's worth of cable money in her that I wanted a return on. Now I feed the dog a daily feast of pills on a slice of whole grain bread.

This one calls me Miss Mommy...

Noah must have finally gotten the memo that I was not digging being called "poopy-head" and has now chosen a new term- "Miss Mommy"

I LOVE it! It's formal yet endearing. It's respect! This is by far the most sophisticated thing that comes out of Noah's mouth. Now he can be heard running around the house saying "Stop-it-say-no Miss Mommy".

(If you look close enough there was a little bit of respect in that semi-sentence.)

Sometimes I eat fish...raw...just to freak the kids out.