A Mother's life...

The life of a mom is never considered a glamorous one. It is something that most girls begin fantasizing about at a very young age. They run around with their dolls in their miniature strollers with itsy-bitsyb ottles pretending their babies are crying. The part they seem to neglect to portray is the unwashed hair, the bags under the eyes, and the piles of laundry that have become a barrier between themselves and the outside world. No, these young little girls play the role of mom dressed in their princess costumes with lip gloss and heels on. They do seem to have down one realistic portion of this character, the cell phone. Only they never pretend to be getting calls from Dr.s with bad news, insurance companies denying claims, or getting calls from friends offering a shoulder to cry on. When you are this young you imagine only the fairytale. When you are my age you realize the fairytale is a farce and come to realize the reality of motherhood.

As Natalie's surgery approaches I am being consumed with emotions. Well one emotion really, stress. I could have never imagined as a 4 year-old that there would one day be things that could happen to my tiny little doll baby that I could not fix. Hell we could drop those babies on their heads, throw them from a balcony, or leave them in the car for days and mend it all with a simple kiss on the head. 21 years later you realize life is more fragile than your Cabbage Patch doll. Some ailments require trips across two states and highly specialized surgeons to mend. Realizing how delicate a mother's job truly is only makes me take it more seriously and value it that much more.

Even with all the stress, anxiety and exhaustion in my life I would not trade it for anything. My time of pretending to be a mom is buried away deep in the past and my reality has arrived. My reality is that I have a 4 year-old daughter with a spinal cord cyst that will be undergoing surgery in one week. My role is no longer a princess mother pushing a stroller around a basement playroom, but rather to be a personal bodyguard, caretaker, comforter, and a Mother. Now at the age of 25 I have learned what is really means to be a mother, sweat pants and all!

Deep in the heart or (East) Texas...

The anxiety has been building for weeks, arrangements took a week to make, and the drive itself took 11 hours. The Dallas skyline was like an oasis in a dessert of medical mystery and fear. Answers were near and and an end in sight.

Our long awaited journey to Dallas was kicked of with some pancakes from McDonald's at 07:00 am Sunday morning. Our little patient sat in the back of the car in innocent silence hour after hour. Never complaining, requesting to drive through for lunch. Approximate 6 hours into our steamy drive Natalie was beginning to sense the something was up. The questions started leaking out; "are Nathan and Noah going to meet us there?" "what are we going to do there?" "how long are we going to be there?" We had to be honest with her about our intentions, and she took it like a champ.

Sunday evening we arrived in Longview, TX at my Aunt Roxanne and Uncle Ray's house. We were welcomed with open arms and delicious fajitas. We swam at their beautiful neighborhood pool and let Natalie stretch her little lets in the water. Perhaps this is why she requested no stopping at lunch, she had a pool to swim in!

Monday morning we were once again greeted with a breakfast spread prepared by our incredibly kind hosts. We then headed to small Zoo in Tyler. Natalie enjoyed the bird sanctuary where she got to feed birds. Then back to the house for some more swimming, and off to dinner at one of the best barbecue establishments I have ever visited.

Tuesday morning Natalie was sad to leave Longview. She didn't want to see more doctors, go sit through anymore appointments, and most importantly she just wanted to go home! We said our good-byes and headed down the highway back toward the medical oasis.

1:24 The nurse calls us back. She sets us in Dr. Sklars office and we sit...waiting. My mind racing. I'm desperate to hold on to all the details of her experience to recount them accurately when asked. I rack my brain for dates of onset, tests, appointments, even birth dates are not coming easily. Finally the man we've been waiting to see. His friendly smile puts me at ease. I relive the nightmare for him as previously rehearsed. He then guides us into a dark room. As most probably do, i get uncomfortable following strangers into dark rooms. Only I fear different outcomes than the average Joe. He shows us the familiar pictures of our daughters spine. The variation in greys sets off alarms to this trainer professional. After a careful and thorough explanation of why a cyst in the spinal cord might occur he tells us "there's no explanation for this cyst". The anxious mother in my can't take it anymore and the words jumped from my mouth like grease from a hot pan, burning my own ears when the landed. "What's the treatment, what do we do?" He says it "Surgery."

Surgery! No one willingly signs their child up for surgery, let alone SPINAL CORD SURGERY! He explains that this cyst has expanded her spinal cord to almost double it's normal size. She is in harms way if no action is taken and could be in harms way with surgery. Either way Dr. Sklar emphasizes this is not something to watch. No, "Sit and wait" has been permanently canceled from the smiley fall line-up. The conversation then shifts to experience, location, technique and approach. They will remove the back piece of one of Natalie's vertebrae, use a microscope to make a 1mm incision in her spinal cord and insert a small stint, developed by this surgeon, to allow the fluid to drain freely from inside the spinal cord to the area around the spinal cord. This will essentially prevent pressure build up inside the cord and therefore prevent pressure on nerves and keep Natalie functioning normally.

As we walked out of the office our hearts are heavy with fear and stress. Natalie skips along side us singing "I'll take you for a ride on my big green tractor" and completely naive to what lies in her future. For the moment we wait for a confirmation on surgery dates. It will most likely be within the first two weeks of September and require a week long stay in Dallas. Chris and I each take turns on the phone calling family, work, and friends anxiously awaiting to hear our news.

While this news is not the best, it is far from the worst. We have so much to be grateful for. God laid all the pieces out for us and when put together they leave a Natalie in a picture of health and the best medical team around her. We will forever be grateful for that.